Abuse is Confusing

The worst thing about having been routinely abused is that
YOU DON'T KNOW

You don't know that you were abused.

You don't really know how bad it was until much, much later.

You don't know what is 'normal'.

You don't know what is healthy.

You don't know what real love is.

You don't know who to trust.

You don't even know how to trust.

You don't know what is right.

You don't know how to react. (You tend to freeze or over-react.)

You don't know whether to be quiet or whether to be vocal.

You don't know if you can trust your instinct.

You don't know if telling the truth is going to make things better. Or much worse.

You don't know if you will survive.

You don't know what you are worth.

You don't know how to love.

You don't know what a healthy boundary feels like.

You don't know if what you 'naturally' want to do is healthy or a habit of protecting yourself.

You don't know why you are sick all the time.

You don't know why you are lovable.

You don't know why your relationships fail. Routinely.

You don't know.

Yes, the worst thing about routine abuse is that it's very confusing.

And the younger you were abused, the worst it is. But the above also applies to adult victims of abuse.

Thankfully there are ways to recover. There are countless therapies that will help you peel away the layers of pain and confusion. Increasingly there are therapies (such as the ones I practice) that reprogram your neuronet completely and create you anew, the way you were meant to turn out. To allow you to find your true human and Divine core. Your Love Compass deep inside of you. The place inside yourself that you can rely on.

So you know

So you know who to trust

So you know you are lovable

So you learn how to trust

How to love

So you know that you are, after all, a divine spark of love and as such entitled to en-JOY-ing the experience that we call life.

If you know someone who keeps messing up big time, who looks confused a lot, who is stuck in self defeating patterns, chances are they have been abused. However together they look on the surface or in some aspects of their lives. Even when you know you can't live with them, send them love and accept them deep in your heart, where you create miracles. So they can start finding their own Love compass.

Abuse is not forever. YOU can recover. Together we learn.

This post is dedicated to Ceri and Anneloes. My surrogate Moms in the UK.