Friday, February 26, 2010

Juice Feasting Day 1: Grumpy

1- Grumpy

First thing I noticed today, Day 1 of juice feasting was that I was grumpy. As in the phrase 'grumpy gut' I guess!

Every time I was grumpy or hurting emotionally (it was a challenging day!) I wanted to reach out for food I like. It's all good stuff: organic, wholesome, mostly plant based. Nothing wrong with the food itself. I have no guilt around wanting or eating that kind of food. So look further.

Then it dawned on me that I was not hungry. I wanted to chew. I wanted to put my teeth together and remembered that:

- I was told recently that when I repress anger I speak through clenched teeth. I had never noticed personally but to my horror it turned out to be true!

- I realized a few days ago that I am much more angry and more often than I had previously acknowledged to myself. I vowed there and then that the anger had to go, which is probably why I am now guided to detox again.

I stayed with that feeling of wanting to chew. Chew someone's face off? Maybe the face of the people who first fed me solids as a baby instead of holding me and loving me? It felt like endless repressed rage grumbling in my belly. I realized the reason I am not normally aware of that dormant rage is because I appease it by eating however healthily I eat.

Stay with the anger. Past the anger is this awful feeling of emptiness, loneliness. Like a world without the beloved, without the Beloved. I am reminded of how difficult it is to be incarnate sometimes, how the body separates us. The clenched teeth, the anger, the wanting to eat, however healthy the food, a cover up for sadness and for the pain of loneliness.

2- Speak the truth

The second thing was that because I was not 'stuffing things down' I was feeling and telling my truth and not being placated or scared out of it.

3- Needing More Sleep

I was suddenly exhausted and slept for over 4 hours in the afternoon. I remember this happening the first time as juice feasted as well.
Which is why I started on a snow storm Friday I was not working knowing I had 4 days ahead of me without serious obligations.

4- Thumping Headache

Often happens at the beginning of a fast. Hope it does not last long. Drinking more water by mixing it half and half in the juices.

5- Needing More Heat

Of course drinking juice cools the body, which is why we drink so much of it in summer. So it's not ideal food for a snow storm in New England. I am keeping the house a little warmer than usual to be comfortable.

The first time I fasted 2 years ago I got off my couch after 5 days a completely different person, much calmer and more peaceful. Hopefully it will happen again this time and I will reach another level of peace when all the old toxins that still hold the painful memories are gone.

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